Are you feeling burned out trying to keep other people happy? Are you allowing others to walk all over you because you fear standing up for yourself?
Honestly, many of us fear offending others or creating tension in relationships, which can lead to saying yes when we rather say no. It’s all about finding a balance of being kind and being firm. Otherwise, we give others permission to take advantage of us.
When I am setting healthy boundaries and stick to them, I can breathe. I know I am doing what is best for me, and I have more time and energy to put towards the things and people I love. You are allowed to stand up yourself and your time.
As this is a topic many of us struggle with, let’s discuss the art of boundary setting so we can spend less energy on people-pleasing.
The Importance Of Setting Boundaries
Setting boundaries may seem intimidating, but it grants us the freedom to pursue what brings us joy. Boundaries don't make us dull or uninteresting; they empower us to shape our lives on our own terms. By communicating our boundaries to others and ourselves, we prevent people-pleasing from taking over our lives.
1. Get Crystal Clear on Your Priorities
Gaining clarity on your priorities is a powerful tool allowing you take back control. Determine where you want to spend and invest in your time and energy. If you constantly find yourself sacrificing your own priorities for the sake of others, it's a sign that you need to make a shift and start valuing your own needs and desires. Now’s the time to change that.
2. Communicate What You Will and Will Not Tolerate
People will never know that what they’re doing is unacceptable if you never tell them. When people around you are always doing or saying things that frustrate you to your core, you have to put your foot down. Be the person who speaks up.
3. Listen to Your Gut
Your intuition is a powerful guide that often leads you in the right direction. Knowing how to discern between feelings of excitement and dread, can guide you with decision-making. Trusting yourself to recognize what genuinely resonates with you empowers you to make choices aligned with your authentic self. Remember, you don't have to say yes simply to avoid hurting someone's feelings.
4. Be Firm and Consistent
Don’t let others sway you on your decisions. It's possible to be kind yet firm at the same time. Failing to be firm and consistent can have detrimental effects on your self-respect and the level of respect you receive from others.
5. Offer an alternative
When offering an alternative, it does not mean compromising your own well-being or violating your core boundaries. We’re looking to seek balance between being accommodating and maintaining your own self-respect and personal boundaries. By offering alternatives, you foster collaboration, encourage problem-solving, and demonstrate flexibility. Helping you build and maintain healthier relationships.
6. What’s the Impact of Your Actions
How much would it cost you to say yes? Time, money, effort, energy, is it worth it to you? How will saying yes impact you? Take into consideration the amount of time something will take compared to the amount of positive impact it will have. If it’s not worth it, say no.
7. Do Things Because They Make You Feel Good
Do you often find yourself trying to make others happy? Why not allow yourself to be happy for once? Setting boundaries allows you the opportunity to focus on yourself. Self-care is NOT selfish; in fact, it is essential for maintaining a healthy life. Schedule in time for yourself for self-care, downtime, and enjoyable activities and treat these like important appointments. You deserve it.
Remember that you are in control. Don’t let other people dictate this for you. Set healthy boundaries and give yourself permission to do less people-pleasing.